I'm only here because I want to be
As I keep telling myself
I'm only here because I have to be
Or else I'll regress in this shell
I don't know where the waves would take me
Knowing that I cannot rely on my sails
Trapped under the stress of everything
Because I can only get so much help

I know that I'm not nothing, but I just can't help myself
I can't stop things from happening
I'm accustomed to the mercy of the open sea
I know that I lost something, or rather that it was taken away from me
I just can't stop wondering if this is what christians call hell

All I can do is hope the waves aren't merciless
Fitting in boxes that weren't made for the purpose
As exciting as things can be, I may never know it
All because this isn't for me, but I'm out of options

Perhaps it was my upbringing
Revolving doors that never opened up to me
The lesson taught was gluttony
I don't hate them but I've never had a rock on which to lay
But I'm still stuck in place


I need to push on somehow
Otherwise I have to follow the currents
I need to push on somehow
Otherwise I have to follow the currents
I need to push on somehow
I don't want to know where they're going
I don't want to see a second tidal wave coming
I'm so fucking lost I swear

I don't want to rely on myself
Because I feel that I am clueless
I think I'm behind everyone else
The world tells me that I am useless