I'm only here because I want to be As I keep telling myself I'm only here because I have to be Or else I'll regress in this shell I don't know where the waves would take me Knowing that I cannot rely on my sails Trapped under the stress of everything Because I can only get so much help I know that I'm not nothing, but I just can't help myself I can't stop things from happening I'm accustomed to the mercy of the open sea I know that I lost something, or rather that it was taken away from me I just can't stop wondering if this is what christians call hell All I can do is hope the waves aren't merciless Fitting in boxes that weren't made for the purpose As exciting as things can be, I may never know it All because this isn't for me, but I'm out of options Perhaps it was my upbringing Revolving doors that never opened up to me The lesson taught was gluttony I don't hate them but I've never had a rock on which to lay But I'm still stuck in place I need to push on somehow Otherwise I have to follow the currents I need to push on somehow Otherwise I have to follow the currents I need to push on somehow I don't want to know where they're going I don't want to see a second tidal wave coming I'm so fucking lost I swear I don't want to rely on myself Because I feel that I am clueless I think I'm behind everyone else The world tells me that I am useless

[Section and 2 - Drop Therapy] Between us lies a barrier A constant reminder that I'm socially withdrawn It's so easy to hide you under all the layers Of thoughts about what's going on It feels like contact is hindered here A constant reminder that I'm socially withdrawn It's easy to gaslight myself and say that I don't really care about you at all Even as I'm recording this take, I'm putting it off I think I lack the energy and the memory of where I fucked up I don't mean to make you want to lock yourself up I don't know just how to say I'm sorry I made you feel like someone else These words might all be fake, for all I know I can't access the guilt I feel for causing you to be all alone It's not that I don't want to care about the dormancy that left you behind But maybe we'll stay like this a little longer and I won't ever know why Stuck in a bind that doesn't feel real half the time The origin of you was voluntary I was never a proper sister to you This is not what was meant to be I just wanted someone to talk to without thinking of what it would do to you The origin of you was voluntary I was never a proper sister to you This is not what was meant to be I just wanted someone to talk to without thinking of what it would do to you [Section 3 - Deer Guy] It's just another day where I hear you walking past my door Never a hi how are you or anything of the sort It may be possible that you're just caught up with your chores The things that make sure I don't know I am anymore It's harder to feel real when you aren't physical Your problems simply fade into the background and seem mystical It's difficult to feel like you are someone else when you never have time to get to know yourself I suffer from imposter syndrome on a daily basis My hobbies used to be yours and nothing seems to change this The mirror is daunting to look into I always try to see myself but all I see is you I don't know if I'm mad but we need to talk I feel like an implication outlined in chalk I don't know if I'm mad but we need to talk I feel like an implication outlined in chalk This isn't even my singing voice And it makes me so mad [Section 4 and 5 - Drop Therapy] Nejsi umělý, omlouvám se Ale nevím co dělat Doufám, že se máš dobře Nejsi umělý, omlouvám se Ale nevím co dělat Doufám, že se máš dobře Sitting by the tree doing nothing Hoping that I can talk my way out of responsibility You started as a hobby for me And now I can't express how much you mean to me And I can tell it's engulfing you in misery Am I an abuser? It's still difficult to say that everything we do is not just mine And it's still difficult to say that everything I've done has not destroyed your life It's still difficult to say that everything we do is not just mine And it's still difficult to say that everything I've done has not destroyed your life

Let's hope the eggshells will hold my weight Knowing that the slightest fuckup will cause me to fray I can't trust that I'll respond the right way By the time I find a map, it'll be too late I suspect, I suspect, I suspect that I've caused their stress by being here I'm starting to realize why nothing is ever clear I've suppressed, I've suppressed, I've suppressed symptoms so much that I feel fear I can't recognize myself in the mirror I spent my whole life being written off and then told that I have to change I'm tired of solving riddles about what you consider strange I didn't mean to hurt you but I can't explain You keep pointing at all my problems and telling me what I need to contain I forget, I forget, I forget that my shell does nothing against pain Don't fucking tell me that I'm okay Is this what you wanted? Millions are made to live in shame All because you don't know where to project your deep-seated blame I know I did something wrong but you'll assume I know no better anyway I know I did something wrong but you'll assume I know no better anyway and I'm upset, I'm upset, I'm upset, I'm upset I'm upset, I'm upset, I'm upset, I'm upset I'm upset, I'm upset, I'm upset, I'm upset I'm upset, I'm upset I'm not making it about myself I'm just existing I'm not making it about myself I'm just existing

Don't tell me that I need to fit your strange ideas when you act like this Don't assume you can fit me into your silly little boxes, and that it's anything but punishment Don't call me lazy because I don't adhere to your ideas of what it means to function I'm so tired of your bullshit I'm not making this about myself, I'm just existing I'm not making this about myself, I'm just existing You hit the animal that never learned how to avoid it, Then sell your false cures to the gullible From childhood, we're told to take responsibility, But then are left lost and vulnerable You proceed to violate our boundaries, Then tell us we're making you uncomfortable We wear a mask for your appeal that causes traction burns, And then you wonder why we're in a shell I've was disconnected from the ones I have something in common with I've been beaten to submission within an inch of my identity Blistered skin is sensitive to the world from which it has been hidden, And now every time I see relatability, I have to suppress judgement I've was disconnected from the ones I have something in common with I've been beaten to submission within an inch of my identity Blistered skin is sensitive to the world from which it has been hidden, And now every time I see relatability, I have to suppress judgement Just let me stim Just let me calm myself down And don't you restrict me And please don't let me down Is this what you wanted? You wanted too fucking much It's hard to hear over the sound of the world burning down Is this what you wanted? You wanted too fucking much It's hard to hear over the sound of you burning my whole world down

It must be great to see your system working as intended It must be great to see your system working towards you benefit Don't mind the desecration used to get results in All he ever wanted was the safety of your children And yet he wants to be sure that you don't have any fucking power at all And you don't care because you want the same target to fall Sixty five percent of their goal was hit in the last term Your loved ones will lose rights as you become okay with murder How can you look at this and not be terrified (Dead fish on the gulf, dead fish on the gulf) 920 pages of genocide (Dead fish on the gulf, dead fish on the gulf) How can you look at this and not be terrified (Dead children in droves, dead children in droves) Make sure that you get water while the tap provides (We burnt it too close, we burnt it too close) Now we have to pay the price The same nation that has all the wealth has nothing but arms to sell They'll make sure that you've lost all else before you know why you hate yourself Our own will deny genocide Opponents preach "parental rights" We've seen what happens with divide Watch our community draw lines With embers falling from the sky, you'll act like everything is justified or just fine. You think if you stoke the flames you'll be spared, but they're testing surveillance equipment overseas for a reason, and that playground of Fascism is for those who lay claim to us. It's sad for you to assume that you won't be taken from your family when they're done with you, but your level of safety doesn't change when you aren't self-aware, and if solidarity weren't the goal I'd suggest we leave you there, treated with the same invalidation you thrust upon us in your community for accepting those who are different. You're wearing teeth that don't fit you and it's heart-wrenching. You'll do whatever you can say to deny the things that may well happen, and I understand. I too am afraid, but your hope is what we need right now, so get off your fucking ass and change. I can't afford clothes. I hope you understand my pain. I'm tired of debates, don't be stupid I thought you'd know that hate's completely useless Yet here you are, unaware that love for your kin is the heart of revolution, so: If our days are truly limited, let it be known that we existed We'll write our names into the pavement We'll make it known our enemies can't escape us

There it goes again latching me in, sending me spinning a sinking feeling, skin that keeps peeling caused by inertia change in gravity, pulling me towards my point of indulgence must resist the urge to slow down, succumb to compulsion There it goes again latching me in, sending me spinning a sinking feeling, skin that keeps peeling caused by inertia change in gravity, pulling me towards my point of indulgence must resist the urge to slow down, succumb to compulsion There it goes again latching me in, sending me spinning a sinking feeling, skin that keeps peeling caused by inertia change in gravity, pulling me towards my point of indulgence must resist the urge to slow down, succumb to compulsion There it goes again latching me in, sending me spinning a sinking feeling, skin that keeps peeling caused by inertia change in gravity, pulling me towards my point of indulgence must resist the urge to slow down, succumb to compulsion and I knew her for 13 years There it goes again latching me in, sending me spinning a sinking feeling, skin that keeps peeling caused by inertia change in gravity, pulling me towards my point of indulgence must resist the urge to slow down, succumb to compulsion (I was talking at a wall constantly worried You may not know but you're cutting, it's hurting) There it goes again latching me in, sending me spinning a sinking feeling, skin that keeps peeling caused by inertia change in gravity, pulling me towards my point of indulgence must resist the urge to slow down, succumb to compulsion (I was talking at a wall constantly worried You may not know but you're cutting, it's hurting) And I know she's not thinking about me There it goes again latching me in, sending me spinning a sinking feeling, skin that keeps peeling caused by inertia change in gravity, pulling me towards my point of indulgence must resist the urge to slow down, succumb to compulsion (I was talking at a wall constantly worried You may not know but you're cutting, it's hurting) There it goes again latching me in, sending me spinning a sinking feeling, skin that keeps peeling caused by inertia change in gravity, pulling me towards my point of indulgence must resist the urge to slow down, succumb to compulsion (I was talking at a wall constantly worried You may not know but you're cutting, it's hurting) And there it goes again Flames tear down all stability I've seen pictures, and it feels like drinking spit And with every gag I miss her, And I feel so sick And I'm tired of it But my mind is raw with blisters And I can't divert my eyes If I did, I'd cut my line to her And I can't handle that shit But it would be a blessing in disguise But I don't want to not be paralyzed And I don't want to finally die And I don't know if what I see is the abyss Or just a tunnel with light too faint to see at the end After three whole years of appealing to faceless fuzz, I am fucking done (Abusers don't obsess like this) After three whole years of appealing to faceless fuzz, I am fucking done (Abusers don't obsess like this)

Face the scorching sun in December Let it boil your skin Boots melting on asphalt Dead fish on the gulf Dryness of mouth Species migrate north Green creates greenhouse Train derailment in Ohio Murderous auto-cannibal hits a nerve, misses a turn, steering wheel burns, smell of carbon Murderous auto-cannibal hits a nerve, misses a turn, steering wheel burns, smell of carbon Murderous auto-cannibal hits a nerve, misses a turn, steering wheel burns, smell of carbon Murderous auto-cannibal hits a nerve, misses a turn, steering wheel burns, smell of carbon Smell of carbon Only so long until the gulf stream collapses and what then? I can't control it now Only so long until the gulf stream collapses and what then? You'll have to thaw me out (Here I go again, here I go again) Hollowness pervades in your voice in awe of what I've become I can't say you're shocked at this point, I myself have gone completely numb Hollowness pervades in your voice in awe of what I've become I can't say you're shocked at this point, I myself have gone completely numb Face the scorching sun in December Let it boil your skin Boots melting on asphalt Dead fish on the gulf Dryness of mouth Species migrate north Green creates greenhouse Train derailment in Ohio Just give me a moment I just need quiet Overwhelming mass Your words cut like glass, and I know that it's not your fault What do you see me as when I can't access what compassion that I have Just give me a moment I just need quiet Overwhelming mass Your words cut like glass, but I know that it's not your fault What do you see me as when I can't access what compassion that I have Just give me a moment And there's a point where you'll be sick of me Climb from this crater Please don't let me drag you to misery Climb from this crater Neuter me, make me sterile Declaw me so all I can do is smile I've seen what comes of this, scarring for miles Vile, I don't want the trail to lead here Scar tissue builds on the pile Shrouded in burnt skin, climate denial Movements on a screen, can't stand the wild child Cycled, all I can do is watch in fear I'm tired of feeling like I'm going to hurt I don't want to feel dangerous anymore