The sun rises in Sacramento A flashback replays to that awful day The sun rises through the window The green walls of Arden-Arcade are all that remain The pavement causes blisters The AC doesn't change the sweat and decay Of what little food is left To my dismay, the fridge still hasn't been fixed today The anxiety of eviction looms all day 60 Days, 60 Days, 60 Days I don't want to go back to that place I can't once again live without a face I don't want to be erased All I can do is read webcomics all day as I waste away I don't wanna watch it all crumbling down I just can't do this today I can't even get up to hurt myself now I'm lost, without a doubt Certainty is something I can't live without Everywhere I go, I'm reminded that I will never exist

Every now and then, I see a ghost A harsh reminder of the ones I used to know I siren song that lures me in with guilt A harsh reminder of the walls I've built I find myself resisting the urge to reach out They either fucked me over or I freaked them out If we reconnected, what would we talk about? Are they really someone I can't live without? I've made mistakes that haunt me almost every day I wish I could ask if you're okay If I wasn't a freak, we'd still be friends today But you're one of the few that knows I'm a disgrace Your new account popped up on my feed today Do people know you're a beacon of hate? I'm likely not in the right by asking such a question I hate myself for knowing that we shouldn't get in touch again I don't know how much I've changed since then It puts into perspective how much progress there has been Most of you are unlikely to care I swear I need to shut the fuck up I don't know where I have been that makes me think that I've improved in the end Most of you won't remember who I am I swear I need to shut the fuck up Shut it down How will I know when it ends? Will I ever stop hurting my friends? Most of you will never be seen again I swear I need to shut the fuck up Why won't I shut the fuck up? How do I ignore the bad weather? Who do I look forward to for the better? With most of you, the guilt just makes me scared I need to shut the fuck up I'm sorry to frustrate you I'm not sure if I have the energy to cut you off properly I can't deal with these loose ends Please come back again I'm sorry to frustrate you It won't be long, let me be clear And I don't know if you'd wanna hear All the ways that I could say For a moment please just stay I can't escape the endless fog Outside my room I wanna file a restraining order on myself

There's a house, it's full of empty faces And you wish they'd just ignore you All the days, the heat and screaming, renders you unsure what to do Must hide, must hide I don't know where to go but I can't stay here I can't leave the room and I have to lay low, keep my voice down I sometimes fear the ones I'm trapped with and the people who are over all the time Must hide Moving walls that make conversation with progress never in sight Must hide I wish I could talk to you but I've tried and you won't listen Why are you like this You hate yourself as much as you think I hate you And would much rather wallow than face it Now I know where I got my self hatred And why I had to change it I know that I should feel shame But I can't help but wonder where to go from here I hate that I feel like I was made for no one but you, no one but you Don't scream at your dog It's lost its hearing and can't walk steady, oh Don't scream at your dog It hates itself already, hates itself already What a poor decision you've made again

Look in the mirror Abnormal presence Even in dormancy It's always been there, hasn't it? You can't even stare for more than thirty seconds Hope you don't eat too much Because you will regret it Look at a scale to ground yourself I've tried so hard not to hate myself Does it come back, does it come back does it come back to this in the end I can't say that I can look at myself in the same way After even a single bite I don't know why But I feel the urge to skip it all this time Why did I have to push it all on you? Why Why Why Why I can't deny That I once fasted for seven days But why does this feel fake Just because I didn't suffer the right way I can't deny That I once fasted for seven days What would they all think if I shouted from the rooftops my problem today Would that be okay? I can't deny That I once fasted for seven days Once in a while I still feel shame Please let me just look down today I can't deny That I once shifted all the blame Why is it all okay When I hurt someone all the same

Brought back to the edge Watching as your life decays Why must it be this way Sacrifical hope comes around to start the new day It hurts, it hurts, it hurts Watching all the scenes replay Burning as you turn away Too overwhelmed to make a change I was once in that place Even if it wasn't exactly the same Losing hope to tidal waves Caused by myself, at least in my case I know I can't get away From the people I've disgraced Debts forever unable to repay Watching as the seasons change You've been distant and I've been scared to check on you You seem to admit you're in deep shit but you're to scared to Claw your way out; you won't listen to politeness But I don't to cause you to leave just because I'm tired of this Change comes in phases Some involving darker places I hope you will find a way to light the room It's overwhelming and I know it's something you're scared to do It's out of my hands and now it's up to you I know how it feels when doom is all you're used to It's why I wanna be here for you But please just promise you'll stay Please just promise you'll stay Come the fuck on You said you wanted to change but that hasn't happened yet I'm tired of seeing you making steps forward then losing all your progress I don't like the complicated relationship we have You can be toxic; please don't give me a reason to face that fact At least you're getting better At least, it seems as if you're getting better Now all I ask is for you to stay this way All I want for you to do is stay

I don't think you can swim away every day But I don't know what to do Constantly at arm's weight, in decay Hoping that I'll make sense of it soon I don't know why you incinerate all order between you I guess you've frayed away through and through And I don't know if I truly have you But maybe it was like this before I knew Finding new pieces to pick up That my peripheral vision just caught wind of Role models pack their bags and leave home And return a shell of what I used to know Paranoid or thinking less, moved out of state for the best But I can't say there's been tears; I can't deal with that My childhood decays As I realize things were never the way I thought they were in those days You can't make me forgive the people who spat in my face They have to take the fucking blame To think I thought they were okay Impossible to tell what will happen next Dropping like flies In a way that makes me determine That I'll be alone, even ignoring the cunning distance You cannot tell me that anyone could recover from this Destined to never be taught these things Plagued with new obstacles everyday The train left months ago, and here I stay Moving too goddamn slow anyway (x2) Destined to never be taught these things Plagued with new obstacles everyday The train left months ago, and here I stay Moving too goddamn slow for any chance of change I'm nothing but a stray now But I know that I'll find out Where to go in my new feeling of hope on the ground It should all be okay now But I know that it's still too loud To get my bearings on who we have all become now